Boy or girl?

“I only want a girl.”

Breeders hear this very often. And there is absolutely nothing wrong with that preference in itself. Sometimes a person simply likes female cats more; sometimes they have always lived with girls and want another girl. There is nothing to argue with there.

But quite often the choice is explained not by preference, but by a very specific belief: “Boys smell more” or “Girls are more affectionate.”

That is where I usually suggest looking at the question a little more closely. A kitten’s sex really does matter — just not always in the places where we are used to looking for the difference.

This is probably one of the most common reasons people rule out male kittens before they have even met them. Sometimes a person has not yet seen the litter but is already completely certain: a girl, yes; a boy, no, because he will smell more.

If we are talking about a neutered pet living at home, I do not see a reason to choose sex on the basis of smell.

With normal care, the litter tray itself, a good litter and regular cleaning matter far more. Modern litters and household products make it possible to keep a cat’s toilet so clean that smell usually stops being a meaningful factor when choosing a pet.

In almost twenty years of working with Selkirk Rex cats, I have hardly encountered spraying among my males, including mature breeding males. In all that time I had only one older imported male who sprayed.

But that is my experience in my cattery, not a promise about every male cat.

So when a future owner turns down a boy they genuinely like solely because they are afraid he will smell more, I usually suggest not making sex the deciding factor. For a neutered pet, this is not a difference that, in my view, should come first.

This is where it becomes even more interesting.

Over the years, my own impression has actually tended to be the opposite: boys are very often easier in temperament, sociable and extremely affectionate.

But I deliberately do not turn that observation into a new rule to replace the old one.

You cannot honestly take a litter and divide the kittens into two groups: these are girls, so they are affectionate; these are boys, so they are even more affectionate.

It simply does not work that way.

In fact, I try not to promise a future owner “the most affectionate kitten” at all. All my kittens grow up around people, receive attention and are socialised. But they are different.

One may be the first to explore an unfamiliar room. Another may sit back and watch what is happening before joining in. Some are more active, some calmer, some completely irrepressible, some more cautious.

Those are things I can genuinely observe and describe to a future owner.

But I cannot honestly say that one kitten is “more affectionate” than another and will remain exactly that way as an adult. And it is even less reliable to predict temperament simply because the kitten is a boy or a girl.

That applies equally to Devon Rex and Selkirk Rex cats.

It does. There are simply much more tangible differences that people seem to talk about less often.

First of all, size.

Males are usually larger than females: heavier, more substantial, more powerful in build. If someone likes the idea of a large, impressive cat, that is a perfectly reasonable reason to look particularly at boys.

With the Selkirk Rex, this difference can also be especially interesting from the point of view of breed type. An adult male often shows that characteristic powerful Selkirk look more vividly: a larger body, more substance, a pronounced head and the overall impression of a big curly cat.

So choosing sex because you prefer a particular adult appearance makes perfect sense.

Expecting a particular temperament because of sex is a much less reliable strategy.

And that is absolutely fine.

I never see my job as persuading someone out of their preference and making sure I sell them a boy. If someone simply wants a girl, then they want a girl.

What matters to me is something else.

If a person looks at a particular kitten, genuinely likes that kitten, likes the type and colour and feels that emotional pull — and then discovers that it is a boy and immediately loses interest solely because “he will smell” or “a girl would be more affectionate”, I feel a little sorry for both of them.

Because at that point the decision is no longer about the actual kitten in front of us.

It is about a collection of assumptions that we have become used to attaching to the words “boy” and “girl”.

Sex is one characteristic of an animal. It affects physiology, often size and, to some extent, the appearance of the adult cat.

But it is not an instruction manual for future temperament.

And it certainly is not a verdict on smell.

So I will never try to convince someone: “No, you definitely need a boy.”

I would suggest only one thing: if you genuinely like a particular kitten, do not rule that kitten out automatically because of sex.

Look at the kitten as an individual — the appearance, the qualities, and the impression this particular animal makes on you.

And only then decide whether sex really matters that much to you.